Reflections on 2023
On letting go
On January 31, 2023, I told a friend, “This year is going too fast.”
Her response: “Melanie, it’s January.” And though she was correct, the year seemed to pass from that day in January to the end of October in the blink of an eye.
Maybe it was the weird weather we had in LA or the constant barrage of news chaos, but this year seemed like a rollercoaster that was careening into the next year and caught in a loop-de-loop at the same time. Either way, it didn’t seem like there was a way to grab ahold of the breaks. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it is shocking to see the calendar say December 31 yet still think it was just July 7 yesterday.
As a Type A planner, this breakneck passage of time has tended to overwhelm me. In the past, I have started the year with ideas of things I wanted to do, grand expectations of what life would look like, and things I would get accomplished—only too often end up disappointed by the promises gone unfulfilled. I think that’s what caused my panic on January 31, feeling like the year was already over before it began. I was already planning to be disappointed by what didn’t happen.
Being reminded that the year was still beginning was a good wake-up call for me. There was no sense in being worried and pre-disappointed about missing out on things because there was still a year’s worth of time for things to happen. Even if it wasn’t what I had in mind, there was plenty of life to live this year. And that meant that I had to let go of control.
Starting in February, I decided to make a conscious effort to live my life and not plan it. It wasn’t always successful (old habits die hard), but I have learned that releasing some control and letting life happen often brings about more fulfillment than forcing something because it was the plan I had in my head. In fact, by letting go of my beginning-of-the-year expectations, I was inspired by new shows, learned a new language, began writing a novel, and planned a three-week trip to Europe—none of which would have happened had I forced myself to meet the goals I had set at the beginning of the year.
Some of my January expectations were fulfilled—I was visited by friends, grew in my job, and saw Beyoncé in concert. Others were edited from the schedule—a trip to Vegas wasn’t in the cards, I didn’t run a 5k, and there is artwork I’ve been meaning to hang up that still is sitting on my dresser. In the past, I might have berated myself for letting goals or tasks languish. This year, I’ve given myself grace, realizing that I’ve done other things that brought me joy and fulfillment instead, even if that meant watching the same show for the third time while starting watercoloring (a new 2023 hobby). I also didn’t update this newsletter as much as I initially planned, but that’s something I intend to fix in 2024 as well.
On that note, I’m looking to 2024 with intentions. I have found that intentions seem to be much more forgiving than goals, and they leave room for twists and turns along the way. Right now, my intention for 2024 is to find joy every day. It may not be every moment of every day, but searching for joy—especially in a world that can be so dark—makes life more fun to live and slows things down a bit.
Favorite Things of 2023
I think everyone would be shocked if Candice Renoir wasn’t on the top of this list. So, to meet everyone’s expectations, my favorite French detective is claiming the number one spot.
Beyoncé’s Renaissance. When I say this concert was life-changing, I am not being overdramatic.
Learning French! It has been beyond exciting to grow in understanding and speaking another language. While Google Translate has its merits, it has been incredibly fulfilling to be able to converse in French, understanding the true meaning and emotion behind the words.
Glamorous Trash Podcast. I have been a fan of the podcast for a bit now, but this year it became a weekly must-listen. And, joining the Patreon Cookie community made it even more excellent.
Beginning watercolor painting. This came about as a stress-relief activity, and I have really grown to love it. I’ve recognized that I’m a way better visual artist than I thought I was, and seeing my pile of paintings grow makes me very happy. I’ve also started following a lot of watercolor artists on Instagram, and it has made my feed exponentially better.
Jinkx Monsoon’s solo show. Jinkx Monsoon is my absolute favorite drag queen, and she is one of the most talented—if not the most talented—performers I’ve ever seen. Her solo show was electric.
Bordeaux. I fell completely in love with this city and would move there in a heartbeat. Yes, I liked the wine a lot too.
Barbie. I played with Barbies all the time when I was a kid, and this movie was everything I needed it to be. Fantastical, feminist, fun. It was a heartfelt movie that made me laugh hysterically and cry throughout the film.
Musical improv. I’ve been doing improv for a bit, but this year I got much more into musical improv. Musical is by far my favorite way to perform improv, and they often are my favorite shows to go to, as well. Good musical improv is a magic trick and is so satisfying. If you’re in LA, check out Magic to Do or Baby Wants Candy at UCB—you will not be disappointed.
Trying pole dancing. It was hard, I wasn’t good at it at first, and it was an actual blast. I would love to do more of it in 2024.
I hope you have a lovely last day of 2023, and I wish you all the best for 2024!
— Melanie