On SAD
Or when grey weather hits LA
This week, I had a case of SAD.
It rained in LA. This is something we normally consider news, but we actually got enough rain for it to be national news for several days. As such, I stayed in my apartment alone for about 4 days—something I haven’t done since quarantine times.
As someone who went to school in the Pacific Northwest (PNW, if you’re nasty), I am no stranger to grey weather. But, as I said multiple times last year when we had prolonged periods of grey, “LA hits real different when it’s Seattle”. At least in Seattle or Tacoma, you can be surrounded by lush greenery, resplendent trees, and vibrant flowers to cut the oppressive blanket of grey. Where I live in LA doesn’t have that. And yes, we get “May Grey” and “June Gloom”, but those weather effects typically burn off by mid-afternoon and are not accompanied by an atmospheric river that makes it impossible to drive around town.
This isolation and the dreary weather provided the perfect storm (no pun intended) for a case of SAD, or seasonal affective disorder.
I never recognized a seasonal lull when I was in college, but I did notice a difference when I moved back to Colorado and benefited from the 300+ days of sunshine. And yes, while it can get bitingly cold in Colorado, the sun is often still shining. I even explained this to a college classmate complaining about the late-April chill, saying “no one ever said sunny meant warm, that’s on you.”
It wasn’t even that cold this week in LA—I mean, it was by LA standards; my coworkers would disagree. Nevertheless, the weather put me in a capital-M Mood. I was cranky, slept like crap, and didn’t want to do anything—even the things I was excited about. It was just so hard to get started.
And, this Mood created a spiral effect: I didn’t want to cook, so I either forgot to eat or didn’t eat the things my body needed to have energy. I was falling asleep too late, so my sleep schedule got off thanks to longer-than-normal afternoon naps (I am still proudly team nap in most circumstances). I didn’t want to go outside to take a walk, so I sat on my couch instead of moving my body in other ways. This all contributed to a general feeling of malaise and not-enoughness that permeated my thought process on Tuesday.
Instead of giving myself grace and recognizing that this moment was impacted by the weather, I started beating myself up—”I’m lazy”, “This is why I never finish anything”, “I can’t adult”. A good cry—and a good therapy session—later, I remembered that I’m not alone in these feelings, especially when the outside is dreary (both from a weather and news standpoint). So, I decided to lean into it. Let myself rest and recognize that this moment will pass, and I’ll have spurts of energy and activity again.
Once I did that, my Mood went away, and I found joy of existing in the present moment. Resisting what was true in the present was only making it harder for me to get through it, putting me further away from where I ultimately wanted to be.
The sun is shining again in LA, and I am back to feeling inspired by what I am doing. Even if I am still going to sleep way too late.
Ten Things This Week
Since the weather was so dreary, I looked for things that made me feel cozy. These all helped my mood in one way or another:
I watched Alexander Payne’s The Holdovers, starring Paul Giamatti, on Tuesday. It’s blend of melancholy, humor, and hope was just what I needed for a rather blah day. It’s lovely.
I’m currently reading the “Finlay Donovan Knocks ‘Em Dead'“, which is the second book in the Finlay Donovan series by Elle Cosimano. It’s a comedy procedural, which is totally my jam, and just so fun to read. Definitely start with book one.
This Cauliflower Soup from NYT Cooking is my go-to for gloomy weather. It is a bowlful of comfort.
This banana bread from Smitten Kitchen was also a great help.
Like literally everyone, I’ve been listening to “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman on repeat.
One of the top-rated restaurants in LA is an unassuming storefront on Melrose called Kuya Lord. It’s renowned for its Southern Tagalog Region cuisine. The rice bowl was perfection.
Candles from Bushyl are the ultimate in cozy.
I use Insight Timer meditation app every night. I found myself pulling it out a bit more this week during the day when I needed to reset.
I purchased The World According to Mr. Rogers when I was teaching to read some inspirational quotes and stories to my students. It still sits right next to my bed and is the perfect pick-me-up when I need it.
My weighted blanket really has worked overtime this week. ZonLi Weighted Blanket, you’re the real MVP.
Have a great week!
—Melanie