It's January what, already?
On fresh starts and intentions
On New Year’s Day, I was taking an Uber home from my friends’ house (where I had responsibly spent the night), and my driver asked me if I had any resolutions for the year.
There are two things I hate here:
Uber drivers continuing to make small talk after the first couple of minutes. I will always be friendly and engage in conversation when I get in someone’s car, but continuing on to pry into what my resolutions are is a step too far.
New Year’s Resolutions
I have been ardently against New Year’s Resolutions for several years now as I have felt like the arbitrary pressure I put on myself to change my diet, keep up with my journal, or suddenly change my organization habits of the past 2 decades is only going to end in disappointment. I have yet to fulfill a New Year’s Resolution I create at the beginning of the year—often because I forget what they are. Or, what’s more likely, I’ll set a goal, but forgo the hard part of creating the plan to reach that goal. To quote Phoebe Buffay, “I don’t even have a pluh”.
Instead, I try to set intentions of things I’d like to focus on for the coming year. I have found that intentions give me more freedom to change my mind. They are a bit broader, more up for interpretation, and not tied to a specific outcome. In that way, they form a roadmap of how I want to live my life. This year, I set the following intentions:
Own that I am an artist and pursue artistry for the sake of artistry.
Focus on connections with who and what deserve my energy.
Find joy in something (big or small) every day.
Though I don’t really like the whole New Year’s Resolution thing, the turning of the calendar page does present an opportunity to think about these ideas. And, I do love filling in a new planner.
That said, I suffer from a strong affliction of “out of sight, out of mind”. Even though I have journaled about these intentions extensively in the first few days of the year, as day-to-day life happens and other things—work assignments, chores, other people—fill my brain space, my intentions can slip from being priorities to being “nice to haves”.
When that happens—as has been the case for the last few days—my life can feel like chaos as what I am doing or focusing on doesn’t line up with me. I end up apologizing for myself, seeking outside validation, and feeling a general malaise about the world. It can be easy in these circumstances to say “nope, not my year” and go back to my comfort zone of scrolling through social media to dissociate landing right back at the ever-familiar disappointment for not meeting my goals—and it’s only the middle of January.
But this is what I like about intentions—I had no goals to meet and thus can’t be disappointed in myself for slipping. Sure, I have given more energy than I care to to irrational worries about relationships, work, and the general state of the world—things that I really have no control over. But, when I remember intention number 2, I can take a deep breath and decide what deserves this energy. It’s often not any of the things I’m worrying about. Or, if there is something that I’m worried about that deserves my energy, I can focus on the (very few) ways in which I can actually control a part of situation, like calling my representatives or finishing a work project that I am driving.
Likewise, I set my intentions as a way to counteract the things that drag me down—they themselves are not supposed to add to that burden. Ideally, being an artist is something that brings me joy, and thus it can be the antidote to the chaos I described earlier.
Take tonight, for example. I was in a terrible mood after being late to my French class because of traffic, overthinking conversations and feeling like a burden, and yet another depressing headline. After my class ended, I had a headache and thought about going home and going straight to bed. But, I had told a friend I would go to the Candy Apple Red musical improv show with her. I was not in the mood to sit through a show—even though I know how awesome Candy Apple Red is. But, I decided I’d go because it had been a while since I’ve seen a good improv show. What followed was an hour and a half of incredible musical improv—and I had some of the biggest laughs I’ve had in a long time. I left the theatre with a gigantic smile on my face having just enjoyed something incredibly artistic and found a big moment of joy.
I think that’s the thing about fresh starts and intentions. Despite my phone telling me it was 9:36 on Wednesday, January 17, I felt renewed with a reinvigorated desire to be guided by the intentions I set. I may not do them perfectly every day, but if I at least keep them as a guiding light, I’ll be living my life the way I want.
Ten Joyful Things This Week
Candy Apple Red “Musical Improv is Cool Again”. These folks are the best. The people at this show are so welcoming. I have played on their “mash-up” teams several times, and I always feel cheered on.
I finally saw Con Air. No notes.
The Traitors is back and I could not be more excited.
If you watched season 1 of the US Traitors, but have not watched season 1 of The Traitors UK, do yourself a favor and watch it on Peacock now. As good as US was, I would venture to say UK is better.
While you’re at it, watch The Traitors Australia, too.
As is RuPaul’s Drag Race.
Go watch The Anatomy of a Fall. This is the opposite of joyful, but it is some of the best acting I’ve seen and the definition of artistry.
I have been reading Love Scenes by Bridget Morrissey, and I am finding it absolutely delightful so far.
I put on a podcast to help get me out of bed in the morning, and my current favorite is Fixing Famous People with Dominick Pupa and Chris DeRosa. It’s slightly unhinged but a total delight.
Carol Burnett. Icon. Quinta Brunsen, another icon. Iconic moment.
Have a great week!
— Melanie